Tom Hiddleston V Taylor Swift - who stands to gain the most from the superstar pairing?

The pair could be set for super-couple status
Getty Images
Rosamund Urwin17 June 2016
The Weekender

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It was internet catnip. There were memes. There were Gifs. There were whole wasted mornings as thousands of Tom Hiddleston fans across the globe repeatedly hit “refresh” for the latest updates and analysis of how Taylor Swift had “stolen” their fantasy boyfriend.

The Tom-o-Tay courtship all seems to have begun at last month’s Met Gala (aka The Frocky Horror Show). They were seated next to each other at dinner. The pair then had a dance-off to Beyonce’s Crazy In Love: Hiddleston with the smooth moves you’d expect of an actor being tipped to play James Bond, Swift with the endearing double-left-footedness of a singer who admitted her skills are limited to “Mom and Dad dance moves” and wrote the song about it. Hiddleston, apparently, was smitten. “Very charming” and “amazing” is how he described Swift in a television interview.

Then came the break-up with the Swiftian squeeze. Calvin Harris — he of the inflatable swan riding — was out two weeks ago. Hiddleston called Swift. A bouquet arrived at her door just as their conversation ended.

Now Hiddleswift (Tayston? Hidlor?) have been photographed cuddling, kissing, hand-holding and jacket-sharing on some windswept rocks on Rhode Island. It must have been the most secluded place that happened to have lurking paparazzi they could find. After this photo shoot — sorry, intimate date — Swift whisked Hiddleston away in her private jet.

The blossoming of this new love was, admittedly, met with cries of “showmance!” Some thought the pictures more staged than a Made In Chelsea drink-throwing showdown. It did look rather like the setting for the reunion scene in a Nicholas Sparks film. But whether this love is real or agent-orchestrated, it would give them super-couple status. But who gains more: T-Swizzle or T-Hiddy?

Screen time

The Night Manager — which turned the rutting Hiddlebum into a high-brow version of Kim Kardashian’s arse — has just finished screening in the US. Hiddleston, 35, has met with glowing reviews for his leading role in the John le Carre adaptation; USA Today said he “sparkles”; Vanity Fair declared that “The Night Manager bests Bond to give the espionage genre a much-needed update”. The drama is, of course, widely viewed as Hiddleston’s audition for 007. However, there’s plenty of competition to play the Martini-shaker-not-stirrer. Idris Elba — he of the barrel-chest and charm-overdose — has been tipped for years, while Jamie Bell (who’s played both Tintin and a flogger-wielding male dominatrix) recently met with Bond boss Barbara Broccoli (and he has an initials advantage). Although the Avenger films (in which Hiddleston plays Loki, Thor’s brother) have already made Hiddleston a household name, dating Swift would boost his Bond chances, making him one half of the hottest couple since Brangelina.

Swift doesn’t need any profile-raising. The 26-year-old is pop’s reigning queen, and the crown ain’t slipping soon. She’s also worth an estimated $250 million, dwarfing Hiddleston’s $8 million. But over the years she’s also given a masterclass in headline-hogging. Her cuddling up to another ultra-eligible bachelor is fodder for the internet’s insatiable appetite for Taylor tales.

Vanity projects

There’s a clear message in Swift’s outfit: “I’m such an A-lister that I can throw on my bobbly brown jumper and the kind of shoes your Mum made you wear for a beach date with the next James Bond and he still wants to snog me”. Was Hiddleston’s outfit equally planned? Well, it does look a lot like his Night Manager wardrobe: shirt with the top two buttons undone, Barbour jacket (hinting at the Old Etonian’s English roots) and sunnies.

The ex-files

Swift is freshly out of a relationship with the DJ Calvin Harris, who initially tweeted that their romance ended with a “huge amount of love and respect”. He, supposedly, isn’t thrilled that she’s moved on so fast, and decided that the way to express this was to tweet to his millions of fans: “Oh boy, it’s about to go down.” This was followed by three emoji skulls. That’s now been deleted, of course. Both Harris and Swift have also removed photos of their relationship from Instagram, while Harris has unfollowed Swift on Twitter. However yesterday, cornered in a garage by the paparazzi (the glamour!), Calvin said: “It’s all good, she’s doing her thing.” The jig may be up for Taylor-Calvin shippers hoping for a reunion.

Eyeing up: Taylor Swift kees her eye on Tom Hiddleston at a pre Met Gala dinner (Raymond Hall/GC Images)
GC Images

Swift has faced a slew of sexist criticism for having had a pretty unextraordinary number of boyfriends for a 20-something woman. Criticism which, at least, she’s been able to milk for lyrics: “I go on too many dates// But I can’t make them stay// That’s what people say”. The Swiftian ex club, though, consists of a pretty extraordinary bunch, including Jake Gyllenhaal (who once spent £100,000 flying Swift over on a private jet for a date), Harry Styles and Joe Jonas.

Hiddleston’s little black book isn’t quite so starry. He was in a relationship with Wallander co-star Susannah Fielding for three years but that ended in 2011, with work getting the blame: “Acting just demands everything, and if you don’t give it everything there will be someone behind you who will.” Since then he’s been “linked” with Thor co-star Kat Dennings, Jessica Chastain, Elizabeth Olsen, Sherlock actress Lara Pulver and record producer Jane Arthy — but all these seem to have been mere tittle-tattle.

Swifties vs Hiddlestoners

Swifties are loyal disciples. They also seem to be blessed with a lot of free time, spending yesterday debating what the portmanteau nickname for this new pairing should be. Most of the suggestions sound like character names JK Rowling rejected from the Harry Potter series: Hiddleswift, Swiddleston, Swiftleston. Hidlor is my favourite.

However, some Hiddlestoners seem less enthused about the relationship. A meme of Thor (Chris Hemsworth) bellowing “Loki noooooo!” summed up their feelings (#hatersgonnahate), and they began speculating on the Tom-Tay break-up song. A kinder suggestion was that Swift should sing the new Bond theme.

Likes-ability

Swift is a social media titan: 81.8 million Instagram followers and 78.5 million on Twitter. Hiddleston has a mere 2.91 million on Twitter, and isn’t yet on Instagram, disappointing those hoping for inflatable swan action.

Yesterday, Twitter and Facebook turned into a game to find the best meme or Gif to sum up the Hiddleston/ Swift relationship. Avengers humour was popular, including a Gif of Hiddleston (playing Loki) hitting a man with his sceptre, only that man had Calvin Harris’s face superimposed. Another joker mocked up a Lands’ End catalogue, with the pair’s beach pictures as the cover shot.

Celebrity couples who split

1/26

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