Dear Hettie
En route from Paris to London last week, while doing publicity for my new film, I committed one of the cardinal A-lister sins and climbed aboard my co-star Charlize Theron’s private jet by mistake. I mean, the two were parked right next to each other on the Tarmac, but still. She must think I’m such a pushy little star hugger, I’m totally embarrassed. What a rookie error. How will anyone ever take me seriously as a star after this?
Yours, Kristen Stewart*
They won’t. The giveaway – your novice’s mistake – wasn’t that you got on to the wrong plane but that you admitted your mistake so meekly and walked away with your tail between your legs. A true star would have refused to get off, thrown some kind of epic diva strop and forced their co-star to change planes instead. By doing as you were told, you shot yourself and your star status in the foot. Now everyone knows that you’re a pushover. So the only option is to spin it to your advantage and say that you did it in protest at the money-burning, planet-wrecking behaviour of the big studios and stars. Point out that since you and your co-star were flying from the same airport to the same destination, at the same time, to promote the same film, could you not simply have – deep breath – shared a jet? This will not only generate lots of positive publicity but will also cement your status as the A-est of the A-list because everyone knows that the real stars in Hollywood – the Leonardos and Georges – drive Priuses and are more concerned with saving the planet than almost anything, even perks like private jets. Almost.
*Kristen Stewart’s quandary as imagined by ES
