Tried and Tested: M Spa Wellness Retreat's 'Tech Neck' massage for those of us with a hunch

A new spa near the Silicon Roundabout is tackling ‘tech neck’ with massage
Tension relief: Phoebe Luckhurst undergoes treatment at the M Spa Wellness Retreat
Matt Writtle

Technology has mankind in its thrall. Indeed, we are so seduced that we do not notice that it is making us rather ugly. We hunch over keyboards and squint at touchscreens; we bend like supplicants worshipping iPads and MacBooks.

And so our spines click and our legs knot under the desk, and through work we regress from homo sapiens back to our stooped, thuggish ancestors.

You can’t ditch your phone - it is the centre of your world - but you can combat the shrinking effect with a new “tech neck” massage.

The treatment is available at the M Spa Wellness Retreat in City Road (mbymontcalm.co.uk), one of the streets that splays off Silicon Roundabout, where everyone probably has tech neck. It promises to address tense muscles and also revive skin that has been dulled by extensive exposure to the glow of a screen.

I do not work on Silicon Roundabout but am deskbound all day, tensing my shoulders without really realising how uncomfortable I am. I spend much of the rest of my time staring at my smartphone; occasionally, when my camera is set to selfie mode (#guilty) and catches me unawares, I realise doing so is not only giving me tech neck but might also be giving me a double chin. Essentially I am hoping nothing less than that the massage will totally reconstruct my face.

It doesn’t, though as my neck cracks I assume my masseuse must be doing something right. Or horribly, horribly wrong. She rubs cleansing oils into your face and cheeks before lightly massaging the face and chest area to encourage lymphatic drainage, making your face look tauter.

She uses something called Natura Bisse - it’s supposed to address fine lines, of which I grow increasingly fearful with every passing day. A light Glycopeel removes dead skin cells. Afterwards, my face feels very relaxed; it dawns on me that I probably have “tech face” too.

She squeezes my shoulders - this is the “stimulating detox massage” bit - which also yields some cracks. This part targets pressure points on the neck and face in order to relieve bottled tension in overstressed muscles.

The treatment, costing £65, lasts about 40 minutes; at the end she puts sun-tan lotion on my face, which might help treat skin damage from screen glow, I suppose. I feel zen. And taller.

Create a FREE account to continue reading

eros

Registration is a free and easy way to support our journalism.

Join our community where you can: comment on stories; sign up to newsletters; enter competitions and access content on our app.

Your email address

Must be at least 6 characters, include an upper and lower case character and a number

You must be at least 18 years old to create an account

* Required fields

Already have an account? SIGN IN

By clicking Create Account you confirm that your data has been entered correctly and you have read and agree to our Terms of use , Cookie policy and Privacy policy .

This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.

Thank you for registering

Please refresh the page or navigate to another page on the site to be automatically logged in