Suffering the wedding blues

James Mills|Daily Mail13 April 2012

For most brides, their wedding day is the happiest of their lives.

But many are finding the immediate aftermath a huge let down, according to a psychotherapist.

This is the moment, claims Phillip Hodson, when they discover there is no happy ever after. The flat feeling, coupled with the financial hangover from the wedding can bring on a bout of post nuptial blues, he says.

However, a Cabinet Office study on life satisfaction earlier this year punctures Mr Hodson's claims. Marriage, it found, is more likely to make people happy than a lottery win.

Nevertheless Mr Hodson, a fellow of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy, insists that as many as one in ten women suffers postnuptial depression.

He says many place too much expectation on what marriage will bring them.

'There is no happy ever after,' declared Mr Hodson. 'Weddings are an out- of- date ritual that offer nothing concrete to the modern independent woman but are still sold as an answer to every dissatisfaction she might have with her life.'

He said PND is on the increase. 'It is a modern phenomenon that is very widespread,' he said. 'It ranges from vague discontent to full- scale depression. Left untreated it can go on indefinitely, getting more ingrained.'

Grooms have also reported being hit by the blues, but it seems that women are more likely to be affected as they tend to have a stronger emotional investment in marriage.

The cost of weddings can also leave couples with financial problems as they start their lives together. 'But more significant are the hopes and fantasies invested in the wedding,' added Mr Hodson.

Carole Evans, a 28-year-old IT consultant from Surrey, was treated for PND following her wedding last year.

She said: 'We woke up on the first morning of our honeymoon in this idyllic hotel with the sun streaming down and just felt

this black cloud descend on us. We couldn't believe it. We'd spent a year planning the wedding and honeymoon but it all seemed so flat and pointless once we were there.

'It was as if we had invested our whole lives in a single day and had nothing to look forward to.'

While her husband cheered up after a few days, her depression lasted for three months.

She said: 'We went back to the same flat and the same jobs with nothing to show except thousands of pounds worth of debt incurred by the wedding. I thought it must mean I'd married the wrong person. It was a terrible start to a new shared life.'

Mrs Evans recovered after therapy sessions which brought her to realise she had held unrealistic expectations of married life.

'I'm happier now but if I hadn't got help there's a real chance I might have walked out on the marriage in despair.'

Linda Blair, a clinical psychologist at the University of Bath, said: 'Post-wedding blues are becoming more common, because people's expectations of a one- off solution to their problems are higher.'

She suggests couples should view the wedding as a beginning and not a climax, discuss feelings of being disappointed openly and plan weekends away after the honeymoon so there is something to look forward to.

Monica Lanman, who provides psychotherapy sessions for couples at the Tavistock Marital Studies Institute in London, said many victims find it difficult to face up to their despondency.

She said: 'Admitting you feel wretched after so much time, money and attention has been spent on you is too hard for most people to do.'

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