Bunny in the hat pops out to help George
George Osborne wore his regal purple tie, the effect of which was to make him look like a pale wedding usher on the big day.
Off he rattled with a strident blast of his own trumpet. Every reputable major economic institution, we were told, approved of the Government's deficit reduction plans. On this logic, no one could be reputable who saw any problems with them.
The Chancellor then love-bombed middle Britain with some tax relief, but the Tory love affair with non-doms was buried unceremoniously. Their Learjets are being hit by a tax, and those who like it enough to stay here for 12 years fork out £50k for the pleasure, unless they invest in a British business.
The horror! In the upmarket redoubts of George's and Scott's, chatter among the Vuitton classes will henceforth be of little else than how to invest in Whitley Bay.
Budget language is a law unto itself and even Mr Osborne, a clear orator, was having difficulty. "Simplify dramatically!" he cried of his plans to reduce our bewildering tax codes.
Another flourish fell as flat as a Nick Clegg popularity contest: "From Stuttgart to São Paulo, let it be heard: Britain is open for business!" Imagine the sheer excitement in Baden-Württemberg and the Serro do Mar.
With the £111 million savings target hanging ominously over his glossy head, Mr Osborne was rationing the rabbits in his hat. His bunny allocation, like everything else these days, had been culled. So we got a pledge to fill in some potholes, and a rather odd sounding ruse in which we leave charities a lot in our will - and it gives us something back in return when we're dead. Rejoice!
One nasty pratfall: he had "hoped" to cut the air ticket levy but been prevented from doing so by international law. Someone should have checked that before it was extensively briefed earlier this week. Look out for heads rolling down the Treasury steps.
Mr Osborne finally grasped his rabbit: and what a big furry one it was. No fuel duty rise, the fuel duty escalator scrapped and (the Chancellor allowed himself a celebratory bow) a penny off a litre at the pumps from tonight. Ed Miliband looked a bit woebegone. Petrolheads everywhere, raise a glass to St George.
