A panto that shows the best side of London

Christmas fixture: Hackney Empire stalwart Clive Rowe as Widow Twankey
12 April 2012

For anyone in need of cheer this Christmas, I prescribe the Hackney Empire's pantomime, Aladdin. It is a celebration of the civilised values, a defence of diversity and multiculturalism that makes you proud to be a Londoner.

The main character, Aladdin, is half-Arabian and half-Chinese, yet somehow white. He and his possibly gay brother, Wishy-Washy, grew up in a single-parent family — that single parent being a black transvestite called Widow Twankey. All are the subjects of a possibly mentally ill African queen who is also a cockney and engaged in a sort of ménage à trois with two northern policemen. It's not that no one bats an eyelid at these set-ups — they make an un-PC joke and move on. "It skipped a generation," quips Clive Rowe's magnificent Twankey, referring to the whiteness of his two sons.

Despite the yearly exhortations of the Evening Standard's pantomime critic, I had never before seen this highly praised local entertainment, mainly because I am not nine years old.

This year, however, I had a nine-year-old to take. In May, I applied to become a volunteer with Chance UK (www.chanceuk.com), a charity that provides mentors for primary school-aged children with behavioural difficulties in Islington, Hackney and Lambeth. Its credentials were impressive: its programme produces a 98 per cent improvement rate in children's behaviour after a year's mentoring.

After attending a recruitment session I completed training over three Saturdays in May and in August and was paired with a very bright and sweet boy who was having trouble dealing with an absent father and had been threatened with exclusion from school.

It was the best decision I have made this year. My Saturday mornings were previously spent in a grumpy stupor. Now I kick footballs around, visit museums, go ice-skating and play armies in the undergrowth. It doesn't feel like any sacrifice at all — I always come away in an excellent mood — but in a small way, it makes a difference. You can tell, week by week.

I had for a long time wanted to do something of this kind, but this was the year I finally did. Why? A long list of wishy-washy liberal clichés I'm afraid —reading Barack Obama's book, watching The Wire, finding my priorities shifting towards an idea of public service, as many have found in the recession. But I think most pressing was a growing sensation that you can live in as socially and economically diverse a borough as Hackney and operate solely within a very small and comfortable bracket of it.

Watching Aladdin with a nine-year-old, who no one could have mistaken for a relation of mine, among a raucous audience was to experience all of those parallel worlds coalescing.

And do you know, for all his behavioural difficulties, my lad did not once call out "It's f***ing behind you" — as 26-year-old Amy Winehouse did when she saw Cinderella this weekend.

Slipping up again with the gritting

And on the third day, the Hackney gritters finally got their act together. I encountered a pair at the end of my road yesterday, cheerfully shovelling their mucky dust onto the pavement. Which would have been most welcome — had the snow not already melted.

Prior to that, London's streets had been a veritable ice rink. With no buses in sight on Monday and arms full of Christmas shopping, I had to waddle a mile home, with not a speck of grit to a help me along. Why didn't I take the time to appreciate friction when I had the chance, I thought.

Given that the transport system breaks down at the mere idea of sleet, could gritting not be made a priority? The AA has had its busiest day in 25 years but London's ambulance staff don't get paid any extra to cope with their 5,350 call-outs to treat the injuries that were the result of London's tundra.

Please let Boris Johnson and Peter Mandelson do battle

Peter Mandelson, Mayor of London? "I think there's more likelihood of Peter becoming a farmer than standing for Mayor," the Business Secretary's office said. But that hasn't quelled the speculation. The prospect of a Boris-Mandy run-off in 2012 is admittedly tantalising — imagine the entertainment!

But I can't help thinking that it's most likely that neither of them will run. By then, Johnson could be eyeing up a Cabinet role in a possible Conservative government. Mandelson, too, may have bigger fish to fry and in any case will prove a divisive figure within the Labour party.

And seeing as he once saw his favoured candidate beaten by a monkey in a Hartlepool mayoral election, he may not take well to it happening again.

Grammar and the London Weekly

I hate to knock a new venture before it's up and running but the forthcoming freesheet, London Weekly, does not promise to do much for the capital's grammar.

The headlines on its newly launched website range from the nonsensical ("Nadine refuses claims of being jealous of Cheryl's success"), through the mispunctuated ("Rihanna sees the positive side after a year of up's and down's") to the eccentrically capitalised ("Brittany Murphy very Ill' Before Death"). Thank dog you get quality proof-reading from us, eh?

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