I wasn’t breastfed as a child and I’m perfectly clever

Another day, another study claiming that breastfed babies are vastly intellectually superior to their poor, bedraggled dim-witted simpleton bottle-fed pals. This study, by the University of Oxford no less, involving almost 5,000 children in England, concluded that those breastfed for at least a year were 38 per cent more likely to get a high pass — the equivalent of an A or A* — in their English GCSE exam compared to those who weren’t breastfed.

The authors claimed they took into account the blindingly obvious problem with the study: that women who breastfed their children for a full year were highly likely to come from higher socio-economic groups with all of the myriad benefits that brings.

But frankly aren’t we making women having children hard enough without endlessly making them feel bad about whether they manage to breastfeed or not? I was never breastfed and I’m perfectly clever. Reading their work took me back to when I had my first child. Out of nowhere I found myself with all of the other mothers on our ward rounded on by breastfeeding fanatic midwives keen to shame any woman who didn’t manage to breastfeed (by the way, breastfeeding is hard, and doesn’t work for everyone). They told us that our children would be less intelligent, more prone to disease and anything else to make us feel awful about not doing it.

I remember the looks of absolute disbelief when, at my first meeting post-birth with my middle class NCT mummies, I bottle-fed my son. But guess what? I had a wonderful time with both my children as soon as I gave birth to them. I’m certain this was because I bypassed the breastfeeding nightmare. While other mothers cried themselves to sleep at night as they got mastitis and infections from the milk, I was able to give my baby to my husband to feed in the night now and then. They could bond and I got a good night’s sleep.

Is there a doctor in the world who can tell which adult was breastfed or not? No.

Of course I was aware during the first six months of both my children’s lives of this awful stigma about not breastfeeding and all the judgments made. How depressing that we keep doing this to new mothers, during what should be the most magical time of their lives.